


You're My Peace of Mind, My Home, My Center

by TheSofterGentlerMe



Series: The Lyrical Anthology [16]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Brief Implied Suicidal Thought, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Mental Health Issues, Post-Season/Series 05 Finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 22:48:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29358252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSofterGentlerMe/pseuds/TheSofterGentlerMe
Summary: Catra feels like she's not worth Adora and has been fighting those thoughts for a while now. Adora doesn't know quite what to do. How to handle something when you're not really sure what you're doing?
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra), catradora - Relationship
Series: The Lyrical Anthology [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1767634
Comments: 2
Kudos: 51





	You're My Peace of Mind, My Home, My Center

**Author's Note:**

> Shall we?

“Hello, Adora!” Perfuma said, all smiles. Adora though was exhausted. Catra was asleep next to her and Adora was terrified that if she let her out of her sight, she’d be gone. 

“Hey, Perfuma. Do you have a moment to talk?” Adora said. 

“Where’s Wild Cat?” Adora heard Scorpia say from off-screen. 

“She’s asleep right now,” Adora said.

“I’d be happy to talk with you! What do you need?” Perfuma said.

“I… um… I heard you were putting together some people to, you know, help people,” Adora said.

“We are! We’ve been led to call ourselves Listeners,” Perfuma said. “Do you want to help us?” 

Adora looked down at Catra who’d woken up and was looking at her before she looked back at Perfuma. 

“No. I… well, we… ummm…. we want to get the help,” Adora said, trying not to look down to see Catra’s face. 

Catra looked at Adora for a moment before burying her face into the pillow. She could feel shame pulsing through her as she heard Adora and Perfuma talk a little bit as they hashed out what was going on. Adora was pretty vague about it, just saying they were having some trouble and thought this could help, but Catra knew that her trying to run off and leave Adora the night before was more than just some trouble. 

_ Why does she bother with you? You’re not worth all this effort, _ a voice in Catra's head said. 

“Come out whenever you can,” Perfuma finished saying.

Scorpia put her head over Perfuma’s shoulder and said, “We’re getting the old Horror Hall cleaned up so we can live here part of the year. We’ve got plenty of space for you to stay if you’d like.”

“Sure, we’ll come out as soon as we can,” Adora said. “And thank you.”

“It’s my pleasure!” Perfuma said. As the call ended, Adora looked down at Catra who had her face in the pillow. 

“I know you’re awake,” she said quietly. 

“I know you know but I feel so stupid right now,” Catra’s muffled voice said.

“So do I,” Adora said as she sat the data pad down on the floor under the bed. “Can I… can we cuddle? Please?”

Catra looked up at her, hearing the hurt and fear in Adora’s voice and said, “I’m such trash for making you think you have to ask that. Yes, you always can.” 

Adora wanted to ask if always would have included after Catra ran away but she bit back the comment and got comfortable next to her. They lay in silence for a little while, both feeling uncomfortable but a little bit happy as well.

“What do you think we’ll have to do in this?” Adora finally said. 

Catra shrugged as said, “I don’t know. Be aligned and in touch with the cosmos or something like that. Make some crafts maybe.”

Adora paused before she said, “Do you think it’ll help?” 

Catra didn’t respond at first and looked away. 

“I don’t know,” she said quietly. 

Adora was idly scratching Catra behind the ears when she said that and she stopped and pulled her hand away as she said, “I… do… do you want it to?” 

_ Of course you do. You don’t want your little pet to slip out of your little game until you're done with her after all,  _ the voice said.

Catra flinched before looking back and saying, “You think I’m just stringing you along don’t you?” 

“I don’t know what to think,” Adora said, fiddling with the bed sheet. “You seem so happy and I’m happy with you but then… then something like last night happens.” 

Catra sighed and rolled over to stare at the canopy over the bed. Adora waited for a response and when none was coming she said, “You can’t just shut down and not say something. I’m trying to talk about this with you.” 

_ Tell her what she wants to hear. You’re oh so sorry, you don’t know why you’d do such a thing, you love her. You know… all your usual lies, _ the voice said in Catra’s head.

“Adora, do you really think talking is going to help this?” Catra said. “I’m just…”

“Don’t. Don’t say whatever it was you were about to say,” Adora said. 

“You don’t know what I was about to say,” Catra said, a little irritation creeping into her voice. 

“Yes, I do. You were going to insult yourself,” Adora said. 

Catra rolled her eyes and said, “I was just going to speak the truth.” 

“Listen, I know I haven’t been very supportive of you or spent a lot of time with you. I’ve been involved with getting ready for our next big road trip and of course the thing with Angella had us busy and there’s always something,” Adora said. 

“Adora, you spend a ton of time with me. This is just because…,” Catra said, looking over at her and then cutting herself off when she saw Adora’s face as Catra was about to insult herself again. 

“It’s just because I’m bad at this. I should have been better for you, then we wouldn’t be here right now,” Adora said. 

“Yeah, because I’ve had so much more experience in a relationship,” Catra said. 

“You have though!” Adora said. 

“When!?” Catra said.

Adora blushed, not wanting to bring it up, but she finally said, “Scorpia. You two went to… ummm, you know, the dance together and then in the Crimson Waste...” 

Catra looked at Adora in stunned silence for a moment before she started laughing. 

“Adora! The two of us were never together! Well… not really… I guess the chance was there... get that look off your face! You brought this up!” Catra said, snorting. “And what about you? You’ve been in a relationship! You and Sparkles!”

It was Adora’s turn for stunned silence and then furious blushing with an awkward laugh as she said, “No! I mean, I get what you’re thinking since we went to the dance together as well… and I guess I can see why you’d think that and she’s really… no! We weren’t together!”

_ Really what? Really pretty? Really sweet? Really not stringing her along? Really better than you is probably what she was going to say. That’s not a really high bar to clear though is it?  _ the voice chimed in.

Catra’s face went hard again and she got out of bed and stalked over to the dresser and started pulling clothes out. Adora sat up in alarm and got out of bed. 

“Oh stop it, I’m not going anywhere,” Catra snapped. 

“How can I know that?” Adora said. “We were just laughing, well, being awkward, but laughing, then you jumped out of bed. What’s going on?” 

“I just want to go for a walk,” Catra said. 

“I’ll go with you,” Adora said.

Catra turned around as she said, “Are you going to babysit me every step of the way now?” 

“I don’t know, Catra! I don’t know what to think! I’m scared, alright?” Adora said. Catra deflated as she saw the look on Adora’s face. 

“I really was just going for a walk. You can come with me,” Catra said, scuffing her foot against the floor. 

“No, it’s ok. I don’t want you to think I don’t trust you,” Adora said. 

Catra looked at her and said, “But you don’t right now do you?”

Adora, who absolutely did not right then, said, “No! I mean, I’m worried but no, it’s ok. I’ll be alright. I can handle it.” 

Catra sighed as she changed into her day clothes and said, “Whatever. Are you going with me or not?” 

Adora gave a fake smile and said, “No, you go on. I know there’s some stuff I have to do. See you at lunch?”

“Yeah, sure,” Catra said and then stalked out of the room. Adora sat down on the bed and watched the door, fighting back tears, not sure if Catra would be back or not. 

Catra meanwhile stalked through the halls of Bright Moon, taking a shortcut into the garden and then over the wall to the tall mountain behind. She climbed up it until her arms and legs burned and then she sat down on a little ledge and looked out over the bay. 

_ You know… it’s a long drop…, _ the voice began to say. 

“Shut the hell up,” Catra said flatly to the empty air. Then she flinched a little as there was a burst of sparkles and then Glimmer was hovering in the air in front of her, slowly flapping her wings to keep herself in front of Catra. 

“What in the world are you doing all the way up here!?” Glimmer said. 

“Sitting, Sparkles, what does it look like?” Catra said. 

“Sitting halfway up Bright Moon Peak?” Glimmer said. 

“Yeah, it  _ was _ nice and quiet until a minute ago,” Catra said. “How did you even know I was up here?” 

“There’s something close to you that’s only for the queens,” Glimmer said. “You set off the alarm system.” 

Catra carefully looked around but didn’t see anything.

“Where?” she said. 

“Catra, it’s private and it can only be reached by air. Seriously though, why are you up here?” Glimmer said. 

_ Remember how friendly she was on the last road trip? Sat against your back as the two of you talked? Now she’s all brusque. She hates you, you know. You took her mother away from her after all,  _ the voice chimed in. 

“I think I answered you. It was nice and quiet,” Catra said. Glimmer disappeared and reappeared standing on the ledge. 

“Try again, Horde Scum. I saw Adora walking through the castle and she looks like hell. Then I get one of the guards running up to me telling me some ancient alarm has been set off up here and I find you. What’s going on?” Glimmer said. 

_ Good name she’s got for you there, _ the voice said. 

“Could you not call me that?” Catra snapped. “I get it. I was a Horde member, I got lucky by being with Adora so I didn’t get parked out on Beast Island with Hordak and Entrapta for community service but I don’t need you constantly reminding me about it, alright?” 

Glimmer’s face looked hurt for a moment and then the anger showed up. 

“I’m not trying to needle you about your past, I thought you were fine with it. So you can just drop whatever it is you’re doing right now,” Glimmer said. 

“Well I’m not, alright!? And I don’t know what I need to drop, this is just me,” Catra said.

“This is you when you’re upset and since Adora is upset and you two aren’t together right now that means you’re upset at each other. What happened?” Glimmer said, the last part said as gently as she could. 

“It’s none of your business,” Catra said, looking away. 

“Yes, it is, Catra. I’m your…,” Glimmer started to say. 

“My queen?” Catra snorted. 

“Your friend, you idiot,” Glimmer said. 

_ Your rival for Adora, _ the voice said. 

“Fine, my friend, but it’s still none of your business. You don’t have to know everything that happens between the two of us,” Catra said. 

Glimmer shifted a little as she said, “Is this about what happened between you and Mom? You know I’m not mad about that right?” 

“No! Not everything between Adora and I involves all of you!” Catra snarled at her.

Glimmer’s face went still as she said, “I guess not. But you know what? I’ll just ask Adora to be sure.” 

She leaned off the ledge and fell, her wings sweeping open as she dropped, catching the air as she swooped downwards towards the castle. Catra snarled something as fear settled into her stomach and she started climbing back down. 

_ Wonder what she’s going to go tell her?  _ the voice giggled in her head. As she slipped and slid down the mountain side a thousand bad scenarios ran through her head until she was sprinting across the open meadow towards the entrance. Melog came running out of the nearby forest and was soon right by her side. 

“Nothing’s wrong,” she growled at Melog’s inquisitive voice in her head. 

Melog let out a low growl as she continued to run and she said, “Stop it! I don’t need two opinions rattling around in my head! And where were you last night anyway?” 

Melog gave a little chirrup noise and she said, “Well great, just great. I’m happy for you the stars were pretty.”

She ran past the guards at the entrance who gave her a look as she ran along, as she wondered where in the world she should start looking for Adora first. She went to their room but Adora wasn’t there. She headed for the dining room next and as she came skidding into the room, she saw Adora sitting at the table, a miserable look on her face as she stared at the two lunches laid out on the table in front of her. Then, as Adora saw her coming into the room, her face lit up for a brief moment before she looked concerned. 

“Are you ok?” Adora said, standing up and adjusting her jacket as she started towards Catra. Catra looked around, trying to see where Glimmer was but it was just the two of them in the room.

“Yeah, I’m fine, no problem,” Catra said, trying to be nonchalant. Melog curled around her legs, circling her a little, as they tried not to look at Adora. 

“Your pants are all torn up,” Adora said, stopping a little ways away and pointing. Catra looked down and saw a couple of rips in them and groaned. 

“Great, just one more problem,” she said. 

“It’s ok. I’m just…,” Adora said and then cut herself off. 

_ Sad you came back, _ the voice said. 

“Just what?” Catra said, irritation in her voice as Melog got smaller and looked away. 

“I’m just glad you came back,” Adora said quietly. Catra looked away as Melog peaked between Catra’s feet. Catra shrugged and walked past Adora, their hands brushing together as they both tried not to meet the other’s eyes, and sat down at the table. 

“What’d you do this morning?” Catra said, trying to find out what Glimmer had said. 

Adora sat down across from her and said, “Not much really. I was going to meet with Glimmer but she got called away for something. Then I just… you know… fiddled around.” 

_ She’s lying to you. Glimmer told her about how awful you were. She’s trying to let you down easy, _ the voice said. 

“Didn’t talk with Glimmer at all?” Catra said, trying to sound innocent with the question, as Melog peaked over the edge of the table at Adora. 

“No, she didn’t,” Glimmer said as she walked into the room with Bow and shut the doors. Bow stood beside her, awkwardly looking between Catra and Adora. 

“Uh… hello, Glimmer,” Catra said. 

“What’s going on?” Adora said, a little suspiciously as Glimmer teleported and reappeared sitting cross legged on the other end of the table from where Catra and Adora sat. 

“I want to know that myself,” Glimmer said. 

“We’re just here to help,” Bow said as he sat in a chair beside Glimmer. “You’re our friends.” 

Melog flattened themself to the floor while their mane flared out a little as Catra said, “Nothing. Like I told Glimmer, it’s just between Adora and I.”

“Wait, you just asked me if I’d talked to Glimmer and now it sounds like you had a conversation with her yourself. Catra, what’s going on!?” Adora said. 

“I found her halfway up Bright Moon Peak,” Glimmer said. “Asked her what was going on because I’d seen you in the halls looking about as bad as I’d ever seen you and she told me it wasn’t any of my business. So I told her I’d come ask you myself.”

Catra realized what Glimmer had done, getting her to run right to Adora so she could get them both in the same place, and felt a mix of anger and admiration for the trick. 

“And it’s still between her and I,” Catra said. “Adora, can we talk about this in private?” 

“No,” Adora said as she leaned back and crossed her arms. “We tried that. You apparently went halfway up a mountain to avoid it.” 

“That’s not what it was!” Catra said, rolling her eyes. “I just wanted some quiet time and that didn’t work! I get you were worried but like I said, I wasn’t going anywhere!” 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, what do you mean you weren’t going anywhere? Why would Adora be worried about that?” Glimmer broke in. 

“Listen here you nosey little...,” Catra said, her anger spiking as she stood up. Melog flattened out on the floor, incredibly small. 

“Stop it!” Bow shouted causing everyone to jump. “What in Mara’s name are you all doing!? Glimmer! Catra is obviously touchy about us being here and we need to tread a little easier. Catra, we really just want to help because it looks like you two are having problems. We’re all friends, remember?”

Catra looked away as Glimmer crossed her arms and looked sideways at the floor. Adora was standing now and looking at Catra as the silence filled the room. Suddenly, a knocking noise echoed in the room and everyone turned to look at Bow who’d just wrapped his knuckles against the table. 

“Hello? Can we sit down and talk please?” Bow said. 

“I’m already sitting down,” Glimmer muttered from the tabletop. 

“Not helping, Glim,” Bow said as he shot her a look. Glimmer looked at him and was about to say something but he just kept looking at her and she nodded and stayed quiet. 

“Alright, fine,” Catra said and sat down, Melog grew a little bigger and set their head in her lap as Catra’s hand reflexively started stroking it. 

“I’m standing,” Adora said. “I’m a little tired of sitting down and feeling helpless in this.”

“I’m not trying to make you feel helpless, Adora,” Catra said. 

“Well you are!” Adora said. “She-Ra here but can’t save my own relationship!”

Glimmer looked away as she said that and Bow stood up and walked a little closer to the two. 

“Is it something we’re doing? Is there some way we can help?” Bow said, a worried look on his face. Catra was about to snip at him that it wasn’t about him when she looked over. Then she saw his face and sighed. 

“No, Bow, it’s me. It’s always me. I’m screwing us up,” Catra said as Melog chirped something at her. “I don’t want your input right now, Melog.” 

“Catra, it’s not you. I told you this morning that I know I haven’t been there for you,” Adora said. “Please stop blaming yourself.” 

_ Yeah, stop blaming yourself because she already blames you. So does Glimmer. Bet Bow does too. Bet EVERYONE does, _ the voice said. 

“Adora! How many times are we going to go round and round on this?” Catra said. “Listen, I know we said we were going to go out and talk with Perfuma and her whole thing but I just don’t know if that’s going to help. I don’t want to leave you but it’s not like I’m magically going to get better.” 

Tears were starting to run down Catra’s face as Adora sat both hands on the table and leaned forward, head down as she began to cry as well. Bow had his hand over his mouth as tears pooled in his eyes. Glimmer looked between the three and made a decision. 

“Nope. You two are stupid for each other and I’m not letting this happen,” Glimmer said. As everyone turned to look at her she teleported between Catra and Adora, grabbed them both, and teleported again. They appeared in the Fright Zone near Horror Hall. 

“What was that!?” Catra shouted at the same time Adora was saying, “What did you do, Glimmer!?”

“Not letting you two screw this up if I can help it. I know Perfuma and Scorpia are here. Get to walking. Find them. Now!” Glimmer said, pointing. 

“What about Melog!?” Catra said. 

“I’ll bring them over in a moment but I better see you two start walking that way first,” Glimmer said. 

_ How dare she do this to you! She has no right…, _ the voice said before Catra worked hard to get the voice out of her head.

“You didn’t have to do this,” Catra said. When she saw the look from Glimmer, said, “Alright, alright, we’re going. Come on, Adora.” 

Catra started walking and Adora caught up with her. They heard Glimmer teleport out and then back a minute later and Melog came bounding up to walk beside Adora. 

“Keep walking!” they heard Glimmer shout before they heard her leave. 

As they continued on in silence, they both looked around. Catra kept sneaking a glance at Adora as Adora did the same. Catra tentatively reached out and took Adora’s hand after a little bit. Melog looked up at Adora and gave a little purr for a moment before running a few paces out in front of them both. 

“You know that wasn’t my idea, right?” Adora said quietly. 

“Yeah, I know. You’re not that clever,” Catra said. 

Adora gave a little snorting laugh as she said, “Yes I am but really, I’m kind of irritated at Glimmer. She should’ve asked. I wanted to pack and talk with you and…”

Adora trailed off and the two continued walking. 

“Yeah, I’m kind of ticked at her too. It wasn’t her call to make but maybe this is what we need though. Directness,” Catra said and then looked around at the area around them before she continued. “I can’t believe you did all this… green.” 

Adora looked around as well as she said, “I can’t either. Honestly, some of that doesn’t feel real. I remember it but it’s almost like it was a really vivid dream.” 

Soon they came into sight of Horror Hall and were surprised to see Hordies, ex-Horde soldiers turned commune/construction group, swarming around hauling out heavy broken blocks and hauling new ones in. Perfuma was right in the center of them all, helping them lift with vines, with Scorpia walking along hauling building supplies up the stairs and into the hall. 

“How do we do this?” Adora said. 

_ Hey there! I’m here to share my innermost secrets and just REALLY make her realize what a terrible, horrible, trashy, no good piece of junk I really am. Maybe start with that? _ the voice said. 

“I don’t know, whatever,” Catra said, looking down for a moment then back up when Adora squeezed her hand. 

“Hey, it’s alright. I’m nervous too,” Adora said with a tentative smile on her face. Catra immediately gave her own nervous smile back as Melog sat down in front of them and gave a little meowing noise. 

“What’d they say?” Adora said. 

Catra smiled as she said, “They said they’re nervous as well but why not just go down and ask.” 

Catra looked down as Melog gave her a look. It wasn’t quite what they’d said, it’d been much more direct but Catra hadn’t felt like Adora really needed to hear what Melog had said. Soon they were sitting on a stack of cut stones in Horror Hall watching someone meticulously cleaning and restoring the mural behind the throne. 

“This place feels different,” Catra said, looking around.

“I didn’t know you’d been here before,” Adora said. 

“I came down a few times when I was a kid,” Catra said. “Frankly it kind of creeped me out so I just stopped coming after a while.” 

“Well, part of the new feel is we’ve let more light in and we’re cleaning off the stones! They had years of dust and dirt on them. It really changes the whole energy of it and hopefully it won’t be so emotionally oppressive,” Perfuma said as she sat down in front of them. “Now, I hold both of you close to my heart but I can tell you’re out of harmony with each other.” 

“Because Adora told you that when she called,” Catra said bluntly. 

“Also because you’re not holding each other’s hand, you’re sitting apart, you’re having a hard time looking at each other, Melog is small and curled up behind Adora but not quite touching her, and yes, because Adora told me but the rest would make me wonder without even that,” Perfuma said.

_ Who does she think she is, she can just run you down like that, _ the voice said.  _ Probably after Adora herself.  _

“Funny you’re paying so much attention to us,” Catra said, eyes narrowing. 

Perfuma smiled as she said, “Catra, I’m not sure what is going on but yes, I am, because Adora has asked for my help. If you do not want the help I won’t try and make you receive it. It’s in your hands.” 

“Catra, I thought we’d agreed on doing this. You’d said you wanted help,” Adora said. Catra looked away as Melog came over and sat in her lap. 

“Yeah, yeah, I did,” Catra said, as Melog nuzzled their nose under hand. “Calm down there, I’ll pet you.” 

She started stroking Melog’s head and sighed as she said, “What do you want us to do? Meditation? Deep breathing? Being mindful of something?”

Perfuma gave a little laugh as she said, “That’s all kind of the same thing, Catra, but no, we’re not going to start something right here in the midst of all this change around us. I’m going to take you somewhere you can stay for as long as you choose to be here, we’ll talk a little after dinner, and then we’ll start bright and early in the morning.”

Adora looked at Perfuma as she said, “How bright and early is bright and early?” 

Perfuma just laughed again as she stood up and had them follow her. Adora couldn’t help but notice that she hadn’t answered. They made their way back into the dark halls and to a little room with a stack of rolled up mattresses, pillows and blankets in them. They picked up what they needed and went a little further to another room. 

“This is yours for while you’re here!” Perfuma said as she waved her hand and a garland of flowers appeared across the back of the room. “Make yourself at home, dinner is in a few hours.” 

Adora looked around the room as Perfuma left. The garland was nice but the room appeared like an emptied out storage room and the garland seemed kind of sad hanging against the Horde green painted walls. Adora rolled out her mattress and Catra hesitated before rolling her mattress out right next to it.

“Gee, just what we needed for a fresh start. Being here,” Catra said, looking around as she sat down and leaned back against the wall. 

“At least they didn’t stick us in the old cadet’s barracks,” Adora said. 

“I’m not 100% sure they’re still standing to be honest,” Catra said. 

“Why? Oh… because…,” Adora said. 

“Yeah, because of that whole Hordak with a huge arm cannon thing,” Catra said. “Really did remodel the place with that thing.”

Adora laughed as Catra looked at her. 

“I love your laugh,” Catra said with a shy smile. Adora stopped, a little surprised and then gave the same shy smile back. 

“Uh, thank you,” Adora said and then the silence between them stretched out. Melog slowly crept towards Adora and sat by her feet. Adora knelt down and stroked Melog’s back before carefully sitting down on the mattress next to Catra as the two, not looking at each other, carefully took the other’s hand. Melog went to their regular size and curled up at the foot of the bed.

“I feel like someone’s going to come bursting in that door and start yelling at us for not scrubbing something or standing on duty somewhere,” Catra said.

Adora looked at her with a grin as she said, “Or a surprise inspection. Hey! Remember the surprise Princess Attacks?” 

Catra laughed as she said, “Some officer with a cardboard tiara on pretending to be a princess, tossing handfuls of sand and dried leaves while screaming, ‘Princess attack! Whatta you do, cadet!?’ How could I forget!?”

Adora laughed as well as she said, “I’ll never forget that one time you decked one of them who jumped out in front of you in the hall. What was their name?” 

“Oh yeah! I forgot about that! It was… uhhhh…,” Catra said. 

“Uhhhh? I don’t think we had an Officer Uhhhh,” Adora said with a smile. 

“Cut it out, it’s not like you can remember either,” Catra said, smiling back. 

“You must have knocked their name right out of our memories with that punch,” Adora said. 

“Sure remember knocking that tiara right off their head,” Catra said. The two laughed and then sighed a little as they settled down on the mattress together. 

“Thank you for putting up with me,” Catra said after a minute. 

“Hey, it’s what it is,” Adora said. “I love you. I’d do anything for you.” 

Catra said, “You shouldn’t have to though.” 

“But I do,” Adora said. 

_ Because you got her fooled into thinking that she loves you. She deserves better than whatever piece of trash you are,  _ the voice said.

Catra looked away and said, “Stop. You shouldn’t put up with me. You deserve better.”

Adora started to respond but didn’t say anything for long enough that Catra looked back to see what she was doing. She expected anger or sadness. She didn’t expect a thoughtful look. 

“What did your little voice say that time?” Adora said. 

“Whatta you mean? Nothing, shut up,” Catra said, suddenly flustered. 

“You told me last night that you had a little voice in your head telling you terrible things all the time. I hadn’t thought about it since then but you did such a turn from where we were again right now and well, I started thinking. I think that’s when your little voice chimes in,” Adora said. Catra looked at her, eyes wide in shock at Adora’s insight. 

“I’m right aren’t I?” Adora said quietly. Catra gave a quick nod, looking away again. Adora reached over and carefully placed her hand on the side of Catra’s face as Catra reflexively leaned into it. 

“Don’t be ashamed. It’s ok. What’d it say?” Adora said. 

“I don’t want to tell you,” Catra said. Adora grabbed a pillow and gently bopped Catra with it. 

“Princess Attack,” Adora said. “You gotta tell me what it was. Part of the defense from the princess.” 

Catra shook her head as she said, “Adora, that’s ridiculous…”

Adora gave her a little bop again. 

“Look at that. Princess attacked again,” Adora said. “Gotta tell me or she’ll keep coming for you.” 

“Fine… it said… it said you deserve better than me and that I’ve got you fooled into loving me,” Catra said, grabbing the pillow away from Adora and hugging it to herself. Adora looked at her and put her hand on Catra’s arm. 

“You know that’s not true right?” Adora said softly.

“You do deserve better. Not someone who treated you bad all those years,” Catra said. 

“Yeah, you did treat me bad but you know what? We’re trying to start over now. Remember what I said back on that planet before we shut down that second Heart? We work together, we talk, and we don’t keep secrets,” Adora said. 

Catra looked at her as she said, “You also said you’d leave me.” 

Adora cringed a little but she said, “I did and I won’t apologize for it but we’re nowhere near that. I’m not going to leave because you’re having a hard time. It won’t be a surprise is what I’m trying to say. You’ll know it’s coming because we will have talked about it.” 

“I’m guessing an eight foot tall version of yourself is going to let me know,” Catra said, trying to make a joke of it. Adora shook her head.

“No, I will. I’m never going to haul her out in our problems,” Adora said. 

“I wasn’t… I wasn’t trying to say…,” Catra said, suddenly embarrassed.

“I know,” Adora said. “Sorry, I know you were trying to be joking but I just wanted to be clear.”

_ She thinks you’re an idiot. She’s not going to tell you she’s leaving. She didn’t last time. Remember Thaymor? Remember how you found out the hard way?  _ the voice said. Catra’s face hardened up a little as she thought about that and Melog looked up at the two. Adora, who was looking closely at Catra, noticed.

“Tell it to shut up on my behalf,” Adora said as Catra jumped a little.

“Ummm… it wasn’t… it was saying...,” Catra said. 

“I don’t want to know right now. Just tell it to hush,” Adora said with a gentle smile, giving Catra’s upper arm a squeeze.

“I will,” Catra said, moving a little closer to Adora as Adora moved closer to Catra. Later, when Scorpia came to get them for dinner she found them both open mouthed asleep in each other’s arms. Melog looked up from where they sat and made a little chirrup noise at Scorpia.

“I can see,” Scorpia said, not having a clue what Melog had said but answering what she assumed they’d said. “Hey, you two! Dinner’s ready! Come on!” 

Catra stuck her head up, her fur every which way, as she said, “It’s too early.”

“It’s early evening, Wild Cat! Up and at them!” Scorpia said. The two followed Scorpia to another room through the corridors. As they walked they looked around and memories came flooding in, many of them ugly, and they walked a little closer together as they followed Scorpia.

They were soon sitting down in a room with a couple of big tables with a bunch of Hordies, Scorpia, and Perfuma. A few bits of art hung on the wall, mostly mosaics made from busted up construction supplies and the ceiling had been painted to look like the Etherian night sky. A few of the Hordies hauled in big bowls of food and some pitchers of drinks and started putting them on the table as Adora looked after one of them. She noticed they went into a room off the one they were in and came back a few minutes later with another bowl. 

“This isn’t one of the old mess halls,” Adora said. “So that can’t be one of the kitchens but…”

One of the Hordies sitting by her said, “Nope, it’s not. The main mess hall is full of some kind of giant mushrooms right now. They’re glowing and slightly pulsing. We figured we wouldn’t mess with them for now so we cleaned this place out and retrofitted one of the mobile kitchens to that other room.” 

The food was a mix of old Horde ration bars cooked with other food and sauces. Everyone ate it with joy as someone in the Hordie group had figured out pretty quick how to make the ration bars actually taste good mixed with other food instead of their usual taste of regret and anguish. At the end of the dinner, a different set of people started clearing the table and one of the Hordies stood up and made a few announcements about the next day's work before everyone split up and went their separate ways. Perfuma waved Catra and Adora over as they got up to leave. When they got to her, Scorpia scooped them both up in a hug. 

“I can’t believe you’ve been here this long and I haven’t done this yet!” Scorpia said as she sat them back down.

“We’ve only been here a few hours,” Catra responded as Melog rubbed up against Scorpia for a moment.

“I know! That’s what I said!” Scorpia said.

“Love Bug, can I have a moment with them alone please?” Perfuma said, touching Scorpia gently on her back.

“Of course,” Scorpia said, as she leaned down and gave Perfuma a kiss. She then took a flower from the little crown around Perfuma’s head and tucked it behind her ear. “I’ll give it back when I see you again, Flower.” 

As she walked away, Catra looked at her and then back to Perfuma. 

“Is there something you’d like to comment on?” Perfuma said casually. 

“I was going to tease but let’s be honest, I have no room to talk,” Catra said. 

“Well I just wanted to check in with you and make sure that you’re all doing alright and don’t have any questions right now,” Perfuma said. 

“I know I’m not real happy to be back here,” Adora said. “This place has some bad memories.”

“I’m sorry, I know it does. We can talk about that tomorrow unless you have something pressing right now,” Perfuma said. 

“No, just wanted to say it,” Adora replied. 

_ You’re coming right along here. No reason to involve Flower Girl in your little petty problems,  _ the voice whispered. 

Catra said, “We talked a little before we took a nap earlier. I… it was good. I don’t know, maybe we don’t need this. We just need to talk more.” 

“How about we talk about it anyway? Just a few meetings over a few days and then if you don’t think you need it, we’ll worry about that then. Besides, it’s nice to have you two here for a visit. It won’t be all Listening,” Perfuma said. 

Adora placed her hand on Catra’s shoulder and Catra sighed as she said, “Alright, we’ll do that.” 

Perfuma looked at her for a moment and Catra felt like she was being examined under a magnifying glass for a split second before Perfuma grinned and said, “Great! Well, I have to go meet with a few of my fellow Listeners for our weekly tune up. If you need anything, let me know!” 

“Wait, what’s a weekly tune up?” Adora said. 

“Oh! It’s one of the first things we did! We use what we do to help ourselves out as well. It also gives us insight into what it’s like to be on the other end,” Perfuma replied. 

“Wait, we’re not the first people you’ve done this for are we?” Adora said. 

“Not at all! We’ve helped a lot of the ex-Horde soldiers who’ve come around here and others as well. Well, I have to go! I’ll see you all in the morning!” Perfuma said as she hugged Adora and then turned to Catra who just stuck a hand out for a handshake. 

After she left, Catra turned to Adora and said, “At least we’re not the trial run.” 

Adora snorted as she said, “That’s good at least.”

Catra suddenly got a mischievous look on her face as she said, “Bet you won’t beat me to the old foundry.”

Adora looked at her in confusion for a moment and then started shouting as Catra took off running.

“Cheater!” she said as she took off right on Catra’s heels. They raced through the structure, leaping over vines, dodging around fallen ceiling panels, and laughing as they went. Catra stayed ahead the whole time with Melog right beside her going up, under, and around obstacles, shifting their size to get through easily. Adora was never more than just a few paces behind either one of them though as they ran along. Soon they all came skidding to a stop in the door as Catra looked up at the giant hole in the ceiling and then at a piece of fallen equipment. Her whole demeanor changed from jubilant to somber as she looked around. Melog sat down at her side and rubbed their head against her a few times. 

“Don’t you even try to pretend like you won that!” Adora said as she stood next to her taking deep breaths. Then she looked at Catra and saw the change. “What’s wrong?”

“This is where…,” Catra said before trailing off as she looked back up at the sky through the hole in the ceiling. She could hear his voice in her head as he talked to Glimmer and violated Hordak’s mind and she wrapped her arms around herself and squeezed her eyes closed. Adora walked over and took her into her arms in a tight hug. 

“Where you got taken?” Adora whispered. Catra nodded but didn’t say anything.

“Let’s get out of here,” Adora said. “I know where to go.” 

It wasn’t long afterwards that they were sitting on the ledge overlooking the Fright Zone. Their ledge, their place, where they’d talked, laughed, made plans that went nowhere, and slowly forged bonds that were now frayed but holding. Adora held Catra’s hand as her head lay in Adora’s lap and Adora slowly ran her fingers through the growing fur on her head. 

“It’s completely different,” Catra said in wonder, looking at the vines and soft moss with little flowers all over it as Melog nosed around the edge and looked at some of the flowers starting to bloom on the vines.

“It’s beautiful,” Adora said. 

“It really is,” Catra said as both of their eyes tracked upwards to the clear sky overhead. 

“I kind of miss the orange though,” Adora said. 

Catra looked at her as she said, “The orange junky sky? You miss that?” 

Adora nodded as she said, “I love the stars, moons, all the colors of the sky but… yeah, I miss the orange. It was such a constant when we were growing up. I guess even this place can change.” 

_ Everything is different except you, _ the voice said. 

“Yeah, things change,” Catra said with a sigh. Adora looked down but just kept up the slow rhythm of running her fingers through Catra’s fur as they both looked out over the landscape, so familiar but so utterly different as well. 

“Will you sing for me?” Adora said after a little while. Catra sat up and stared at her. 

“What? Seriously?” Catra said. 

Adora blushed a little as she said, “Yeah, seriously. I love your singing. I never really knew until recently.”

“Adora, I know like three songs by heart,” Catra said. “One of them is the one I sang on the trip, one is a Princesses’ World, and the other is a kiddie song they sing to get kids to sleep in Salineas.”

“Well, I haven’t heard that last one. Sing that?” Adora said. 

“Seriously?” Catra said. Adora nodded and Catra shrugged and took a deep breath and began to sing quiet and slow.

“Dear little mermaid, sweet little mermaid, dive into the sea. Dear little mermaid, sweet little mermaid, dive deep for me. Dear little mermaid, sweet little mermaid, find peace in the sea. Dear little mermaid, sweet little mermaid, rest with the tidal lee and dear little mermaid, sweet little mermaid, know that I love thee,” Catra said, looking down as she took Adora’s hands in her own. Melog settled down beside them and rested their head next to Adora’s leg. 

“That was beautiful,” Adora said quietly as a breeze ruffled her hair. 

“Thanks,” Catra said as she ran a thumb over Adora’s hand. “And thanks for… for you know, hanging in there.” 

Adora squeezed her hand as she said, “Of course. We’ve been through too much to just drop it all now.” 

“Adora, we’re different now though,” Catra said. 

“Catra…,” Adora said in a soft but exasperated voice. 

“No, wait. This isn’t some inner voice thing. We are different. We’re not who we were growing up,” Catra said. “We’re… I don’t know how to say it. We’re ourselves but at the same time, we’re still figuring out who we’re going to be. I don’t know. I can’t really put it together.”

“I… ok, yeah, I think I see what you’re trying to say,” Adora said. 

“Good, can you explain it to me?” Catra said with a little smile. 

Adora laughed and leaned her forehead into Catra’s as she said, “Well I hope that we get to see who we become together.”

Catra smiled as she said, “I know I haven’t really shown it lately but yeah, I hope we do too.”

They spent the whole night up on the ledge, talking a little, pointing out little landmarks they remembered, and trying to figure out what others were that were covered in vegetation now. Melog went to sleep half way through the night but the two stayed up the whole night and as the sky began to brighten shared a single kiss. 

“Let’s go find Perfuma now,” Catra whispered. Adora nodded and they slowly climbed back down. 

Later that day they were sitting out with Perfuma in a little open clearing under a small tree surrounded by grass covered objects. Catra had recognized it as an old storage depot and figured the grass covered objects were storage crates of tank parts but kept that to herself. 

“Alright, now that I’ve had a chance to speak with you individually and together, I wanted to take a moment and speak some truth to each of you then we’ll take a little time to center ourselves before calling it a day. Are you each ready?” Perfuma said. 

Adora nodded as did Catra and Perfuma shook her head at them as she said, “Remember, we need to be vocal in this so each of you will need to verbally acknowledge it as best you can or else indicate somehow that you’re nonverbal at the moment.”

“Sorry, yes, I’m ready,” Adora said.

“Yep, me too, I’m ready,” Catra said. 

“Alright. I’ll begin with Catra. You think others hate you. That may be true of some because of your past actions, or even for no good reason, but you also think that of people who show through their current actions that they don’t. You can’t keep on with that or you will poison your life and what it could be. I want you to think about how people show you that they don’t hate you. 

“You also need to find a way to cope with what is going on in your head. There’s several things we can try but I think for now, when you have a thought that’s ugly and saying things you don’t like, I want you to give it a voice of someone you don’t mind either ignoring or telling off. You don’t have to say it but can you think of someone?” Perfuma said. Catra immediately had an image of Shadow Weaver in her head and shuddered a little.

“Yeah, but I’m not sure it’s a voice I want in my head,” Catra said. 

Adora looked at her and started to say, “Is it…”

Catra looked at her as she said, “Shadow Weaver, yeah.” 

“You didn’t have to share that, Catra,” Perfuma said gently. 

“I know. It’s alright,” Catra said. 

“If you don’t want her energy in your head, you can also give it a silly voice,” Perfuma said. “Just as long as you can tell it to go away, stop, or ignore it.” 

Catra snorted a little as she said, “I’ll try her.” 

“Alright, that’ll be fine. Remember, if it doesn’t work, we’ll try something else. This isn’t about reaching a final destination, it’s about giving you tools for your journey,” Perfuma said. “Now Adora, I need you to do something as well. You need to stop being so compromising.”

“What? But Glimmer said compromise is good for a relationship,” Adora said in confusion. 

Perfuma nodded as she said, “And it is but like all things, you must find a middle ground. You let things go you really should address and you’re all too willing to ignore things to let others be comfortable. You’re scared of letting people down and disappointing them. You need to get a handle on that and find a way to cope with it. 

“I recommend first thinking about some ways you’ve ignored something that made you uncomfortable in the last week but you let go or ignored. I want you to spend time thinking of ways you could have constructively spoke with that person and then run a few scenarios through your mind thinking of doing that with other people in your life.” 

Adora nodded as she thought of Mara telling her something similar and said, “I can do that. I know I can.” 

“What about… you know, us? Our relationship?” Catra said hesitantly. 

“We’re working on that by working on each of you,” Perfuma said with a smile. “You’re individuals in a whole organism that is a relationship. By working on yourselves, you work on your relationship as well. Both of these things I’ve mentioned to you affect your relationship. We’ll talk about specific things as well as we go along but for now, let’s focus on that, ok?” 

Adora nodded as she smiled at Catra.

Catra smiled back as Adora said, “Of course. We can do this. I’d die for her if I had to.” 

Catra smiled back shyly and then it was cut off by Perfuma saying, “Will you live for her instead?” 

“Huh?” Adora said. 

“What I said. Will you live for her? We all know you’d both die for each other. The whole planet knows. That’s easy though. It might be hard for a day or so and then maybe you really do die and it’s over. You don’t have to worry about it anymore. Living for each other, and yourself, is much harder. You have to do the small things it takes, day after day, to take care of yourself and do the hard work a relationship demands. It doesn’t have the glory, no one is going to throw a party for you because you listened to each other, did something small but thoughtful, or fought through a hard mental day, but it has a much better reward I think,” Perfuma said. 

Catra and Adora looked at Perfuma for a long drawn out moment before Adora said, “That’s… ummm… that’s something to think about right there.” 

Perfuma smiled as she said, “Well, you did say something about your relationship so let’s say that’s it for this meeting. Now, let's center ourselves in some mediation and we’ll call it a day, alright?” 

They sat for about twenty minutes, Melog prowling back and forth at first before finally sitting down behind Catra. At the end, Perfuma gave them each a hug and then excused herself. They sat under the tree as Adora lay her head in Catra’s lap and Melog hopped around the covered boxes.

“Think she ran off to get a break from us?” Catra said with a grin.

“Probably,” Adora said with a grin back. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” Catra said as she fiddled with Adora’s hair. 

“You think we’re really not living for each other?” Adora said. 

“You talking about that thing she said in the end?” Catra said and Adora nodded. 

“I don’t know, Adora. I want to laugh it off as flakey. I mean, ‘I’d die for you’ is just a saying but I don’t think she’s wrong,” Catra said. Adora watched Melog stop and nuzzle at something on one of the mounds and Catra gave her a little push. “Hey, talk to me, don’t watch my emotional barometer over there.” 

Adora looked up at her and said, “I wasn’t. I was just wondering what they were poking at but yeah, I don’t think she’s wrong either.” 

“What do you think we should do then?” Catra said. 

“Maybe what she asked?” Adora said with a little smile. 

Catra rolled her eyes as she said, “Well that’s too easy but fine.”

_ You really think that’s going to do anything? You really think a little silliness in a clearing is going to change anything? _ the voice chimed in. Catra closed her eyes and envisioned Shadow Weaver’s voice echoing through her head and suddenly, Catra knew what to do.

  
_ Shut the hell up, _ Catra thought, in her own voice.

**Author's Note:**

> This one is from Jambi by Tool and it's one of my wife and I's songs. The full lyric is: So if I could I'd wish it all away\If I thought tomorrow would take you away\You're my peace of mind, my home, my center\I'm just trying to hold on\One more day. I think it's obvious why I chose this for this story.
> 
> Not much else to say on this one except that there won't be many more stories in The Lyrical Anthology. I'm not going to stop writing fic but I've wanted to bring this series to a close in just the way I want instead of letting it just kind of trickle off. As always, thank you for reading!


End file.
